View From My Window

Saturday, January 21, 2023 — What an evening this has been… All of my kids are here with us — and I do mean ALL — as in both nieces (yep, the one from Texas flew out as a surprise for me), along with both sons and a friend of the younger son. I’m telling you, I am blessed beyond measure. We’re going to breakfast at Keene in the morning — probably our last time there in this lifetime.

We had to disappear earlier in the afternoon because there was a showing at 3:30 p.m. Thankfully, our ever-diligent realtor came early and was able to put the house back in order in time for the showing. As Robert and I left out my garage door, I saw a woman walking up to the front door–talk about timing! LOL When we were ready to leave the restaurant, I called Lindsay (our realtor) to see if it was o.k. to return home and she said the showing went well and she was already back in her office. I would dearly love to have an offer in hand before we leave for Santee. I have to continue to be patient, but it is difficult.

The kids are all primed to take stuff down and I’m sure we’re not going to take as much as they think we’re going to be taking. Time will tell… my one niece says they’ll take the necessities and then come back in a couple of weeks to take anything we’ve missed. I don’t think that’s going to be possible since the Go2Girlz are going to be selling anything left behind. I told my kids that I really wasn’t attached to anything in the house anymore… it’s served its purpose quite well and now it needs to go to someone else and live another life somewhere else. Less is more…

Robert had a fairly bad day today that got worse as the day wore on. There was a lot going on today and I think that had an effect on him. By 7:30 p.m. he was in the living room (I was on the phone talking to a Depot friend) and he began taking his clothes off… I was curious as to why he was doing it in the living room… he got down to his shorts and then took his clothes and headed to his garage. I quickly got off the phone and then saw he was just getting ready for his evening shower. He still seemed to be a bit out of it, but managed to get his shower, and had his robe on when he came down to the hall to my office. He said he was done…and I asked him if he wanted to be tucked in and he said, “Please.” So I got up and followed him down the hall. It was barely 8 p.m. but it had been a hard day for him with a lot of activity. I’ll be glad to get him set up at the new place and get a new program in place. Having a lot of people in and out and a lot going on is confusing and tiring for him so having a more controlled environment will be a welcome thing, for sure.

Moving day has come and I am more than ready for it. I can feel the relief already. Take good care of yourself–enjoy your life. I told Robert at dinner that I was going to spend the rest of my life enjoying life, and then I ordered Flan for dessert with everything on it!! LOL It felt good.

Each day is a blessing. Take good care of yourself and those you love. And be sure to tell those you love that you love them. Apologize when you’ve wronged someone through word or deed. There is a whole world of possibilities for gratitude–find one and think on it. Be at peace with yourself and others. Blessings to you…

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Caregivers very often put their own needs or desires aside in favor of doing for their loved ones. This can become a very unhealthy habit–one that can and should be avoided.

Gratitude fills my heart when I see pictures or read something that reminds me of friends/family, past and present who have shared time/memories in my life. As time moves along, and some memories fade … others are born and are alive in our thoughts/prayers.

Make the best use of materials and money. You can do different things as materials and money play their roles. How to make them work is important.

Perfect Liberty 2023.16

Most important, is to take the time to listen to your own thoughts/feelings/needs… charity begins at home. How often do you put your own “needs” aside .. because.. sometimes that is not a good enough reason… If you can’t determine or know what makes you happy .. how can you possibly expect someone else to.


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View From My Window

Monday, January 16, 2022 — Yesterday was one busy day–I actually slept in until 11:00 a.m. and then the phone rang and it was our realtor, saying she had two showings that day and I needed to get myself up and together because the first showing was on their way to our house! Aaack! My day kind of got away from me and I didn’t do my morning meds or nebulizer or even have my coffee until afternoon. But, then we had the second showing, which was just a ‘looky-loo’ by the daughter of a good friend who told her daughter, “You’ve GOT to go see this house while you have the chance. It’s gorgeous!” And the daughter had a gentleman with her who volunteered at the Tehachapi Depot Railroad Museum!! So cool. And they were upfront with our realtor about buying the house. I didn’t mind them being a looky-loo at all. It was a nice visit.

On Saturday, I went through my jewelry box and the bank bags in my bureau drawer that had some of the more valuable pieces of jewelry that I never wear (and most likely won’t ever wear at this point in time). Happily, I found numerous pieces that my realtor’s daughters could use as play jewelry, or real jewelry as they got older. Such fun going through and finding long colorful strands of Mardi Gras necklaces, hummingbird earrings, parrot earrings and rings–all of the rings that you could ever want with itty-bitty diamonds in them. Every girl should have diamonds! I had to laugh when L said she went to pick her girls up the other day and they asked her if she’d been to Carol’s house. LOL I make sure L has something for the girls every time she comes over. That time, I had ready to bake sugar cookies and a fresh half gallon of vanilla ice cream plus veggies and things for a good dinner. Gots to take care of my real estate guru! LOL She is the best thing to happen to me in quite a while.

Our rain finally quit and everything is so green it’s not to be believed. Just love it…

I’m more than a bit tired tonight, so will close this with blessings and happiness for all. Please be safe, take care of yourself and be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

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View From My Window

Friday, January 13, 2023 — We’re on a final countdown, starting today. The kids will be here next Friday with trucks and bodies to pack us up and get us down to our new home in Santee. I am so looking forward to the move. I hate to whine, but I’m tired…empty-tired, and close to tears from the stress of it all. But I’m strong and I shall persevere until it is all behind me and I can finally rest.

I am blessed to have as much help as I have. And, my hospice care will continue with the same company but down in Santee, CA. I considered asking to be taken off Hospice, but just wasn’t sure I was ready for it. I’m better, but not out of the woods just yet.

The transmission died in the Honda the other day and I’ve (thanks to our wonderful realtor and her husband) been able to find another shop to do the replacement of the transmission and they saved us $1,100+. I had AAA tow it down to Bakersfield — a 40+ mile trip (one way) but the shop will get started on the car right away and I’ll have it back by Friday. Blessings abound…

I know this is short, but my energy seems to be o.k. one day and fizzled out the next. Day before yesterday was an excellent day and I may have overdone it a bit. So, today I sit back and take it easy. My social worker will be here presently and we’ll have a nice visit.

Be safe, be well, and please remember to tell those you love that you love them. Take a moment to just ‘be’ — to hear the sounds around you, to look up to the sky and watch the birds flying so gracefully. These things will bind you to the moment and help clear your mind of any stress. Love and blessings to you all.

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Sunday, January 8, 2023 — Up early to Mida-size my office. As I work my way through hundreds of files, I feel emotions welling up inside me. I call these moments ‘break through depression’, but this morning I realize they’re actually spells of grief; that I’m actively grieving the loss of my dear sweet husband of 59 years. He’s still here physically, and at times, the person I married can still be seen. But, our lives are forever different now, and there is no norm to our days.

I work to sort through my 78 years of accumulated life, deciding what I will need to keep and what can be tossed or donated or sold. At times, it’s not hard at all to decide. Other times, I have to stop and think about whether the item can be replaced if needed. If it can, out it goes. I don’t know that I will actually ever need it again, but if I do, I know it can be easily replaced.

I have a four-drawer file cabinet that has been emptied of files. I have a reputation with the kids that if you ever need a pink slip for an ATC, just ask mom–she’ll have it. LOL Some records are irreplaceable… like the pink carbon from the hospital where Robert and I had our blood tests done before we got our marriage license. Some things are important.

We’re blessed to have kids and a niece who loves us like we’re her parents. They’ve come up for the weekend to help us go through things and pack up this house. They both watch me like a hawk, making sure I sit a lot and don’t take on too much. Even our realtor, Lindsay Villalpondo became concerned the other day when Robert and I both conked out–him in his big green chair and me slumped over my keyboard in the office. She was beside herself and didn’t know what to do. She didn’t feel she could leave the house with both of us asleep. I apologized to her — I just never know when I’ll nod off. One reason I’m very careful about my condition if I need to go anywhere. I won’t drive if I’m not 100% alert and functioning. My mornings are the toughest–but by mid-afternoon, I’m right as rain again for a few hours. At least I have part of my days when I’m feeling ‘normal’ and can function as well as ever.

But, enough whining for now. There’s rain clouds in the sky and I think the forecast is for more rain for the next few days. I’ll have to find a way of cleaning people’s feet from the wet–perhaps some paper booties??? Where would I find them????

Blessings to all… Have a wonderful day today. And be sure to tell those you love that you love them. You are never alone in this life. Be at peace. Stay well and take care.

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Thursday, January 5, 2023 — Another busy day scheduled for today. My hospice nurse should be here shortly and then my personal aide will be here to help. I discovered that I had called in early December to cancel Robert’s appointment with the neurologist. It took me 2 hrs. on the phone to find that out…should have marked my calendar, but I didn’t. :/ Bad girl, no biscuit!

I was up a bit late last night — made caramel corn for a friend’s birthday. I have enough to give to my hospice nurse AND my aide, AND have some left over for Robert to snack on. I want to go in and make a couple of applesauce cakes — we’re getting over-run with small unsweetened applesauce cups in the refrigerator. Speaking of which, we received our Mom’s Meals delivery yesterday and the neighbor across the way brought the two boxes in out of the weather. When I called to let them know I was back home, he brought over two huge boxes of food. :/ As I opened each box, I told Robert I thought there had been some sort of mistake because there were no less than 14 meals and I only ever ordered 10. Hmmm… then I noticed the name on the shipping list and it wasn’t my name at all…. Ugh… and I’d already put 90% of the food in my refrigerator. Add another item to my ever-growing list of calls/things to do.

I did call the window-washer and asked him if he wouldn’t mind coming back and putting my window screens up — we had one heck of a wind storm last night and the screens are all over the deck. :/

Well, I have calls to make and things to do so will close this with love to all… Be blessed and enjoy your day. Our sun is breaking through to a beautiful bright blue sky.

Blessings to all; be sure to tell those you love that you love them. I’m sharing a post from a blogging friend whose posts usually resonate quite strongly with me. I hope you find her words uplifting and peaceful. Take care…

Site logo imagedymoonblogThursday Doors

China DreamJan 5          I am a door. Not always pretty,, but usually functional. I come in all shapes and sizes, just like you do. You can open me, you can close me. What doesn’t usually happen, is you don’t take time to get to know me. You use me. Plain and simple, you use me at your convenience. Often I am left to endure what-ever weather comes alone, I keep you safe, do I get a thank you… seldom… how often do you simply bang me shut or slam me hard to make a point. Sometimes you even kick me. Since this a group with a focus on doors, is anyone interested in starting a Doors have feelings too.. group? Just asking.To visit and see more doors from all over the world/grid… please visit… Dan’s No Facilities site

We never know what gems we will find as we wander the paths we come across. I woke this morning to a cold, wet day, what had been rain and wet snow, temperatures here have been above normal for days, we have had no deep freeze for some time.. guess what .. temperatures are dropping, when you open the door the frigid cold snaps a sharp wet ice missile at you… the elder dog gives you a “hurry up” bark.. his tone tells you, he wants in NOW.Sister whippet just got up .. went out and was very quick to come back… it is going to be a very different day today.. whoooppeeeee…. dress warmly.Here is a flash back to a quote from 2016Wisdom comes naturally when you are humble. You will stop growing if you have a conceited or boastful mind. Always remember to be humble.Perfect Liberty 2016.5Love is a genuine feeling it is a heartfelt embrace, a gentle touch, an understanding heart – love that is real will transcend all mortal boundaries and imposed rules, it simply IS – be present – BE happy. Words can manipulate be misunderstood be hurtful, listen to the silence… the spaces … often what is not said is what at the root of unhappiness.

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Tuesday, January 3, 2023 — What a day this has been. Good things: 1. Chaplain visited from Hospice, 2. Professional window washers were here and did their thing to the whole house, inside and out, 3. Housekeeper was here to do a number on the whole house, 4. Elder son was here for a bit to drop off a tool box for the younger brother, 5. We received a floorplan for our new home, 6. Patriot Angels will begin asking for documents so they can submit an Intent to File a Claim for benefits from the V.A., and 7. We’ve been told that we can move things into the apartment as soon as we like. Bad things: 1. All of the extra people and the non-ending phone calls put Robert in a shaky mood this evening and made him way more confused than he normally is. He noticed that he wasn’t as ‘together’ as he usually is and made a comment that he was getting worse in the evenings. :/

A bit ago, Robert asked about the rugs we have on the floors here in the house. I told him they were going to be sold as we had carpet in the new place. I asked him if he wanted to see it and he said yes. So, I pulled up the photos and showed him the various rooms and the flooring in each area. Then, he got quiet and said he needed to ask me a serious question. He said, “July 15th — a hypothetical date. Say I wake up and you’re dead. Where do I go? I told him that the apartment would be where he lives for the rest of his days. I’ve arranged it. I told him he would always have enough money for the apartment and he would always be taken care of. I told him they would have people to come in, wake him up, get him bathed, fed and dressed and see to it that he’s taken care of.” It’s the best I can do for him.

So goes another day–ups and downs and things you never thought you’d have to answer to. Please know that no matter what happens in life–you will never be alone. May you be as blessed in life as I have been. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them. Love never dies–it never goes away or fades. It is with you until the end of time…

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Friday, December 30, 2022 —

Great sighs of appreciation, we’ve found a new place to live and it’s gorgeous. It’s a one bedroom and although they’re building a memory care unit, it’s not complete yet so Robert will live with me in the one bedroom until such time as his condition warrants a move to the memory care unit. Love it…. I was so concerned that he would be unhappy having to go into a lock-down unit without me. But that’s not a problem for now. The name of the place is Lantern Crest and it’s located in Santee, CA. We almost bought our first home in Santee…. strange turn of events!

PLUS, it’s a Continuing Care Complex so they will care for us until the day we die. Pure heaven….

Hugs and love to each and every one of you. I know you’ve been sending positive thoughts to the heavens on our behalf. So greatly appreciated.

Carol & Robert

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Thursday, December 29, 2022 — Such a day… Going through cupboards and drawers, pulling out memories and junk–I should spell that with a better flourish — JUNQUE! lol But I digress. I’ve lost count of the number of phone calls I’ve answered today from representatives of the various care facilities in San Diego. Once we get beyond the niceties, I ask the big question–“How much? And do you have a memory care unit?” “NO?” Well, sorry, but I’m afraid your facility won’t work in our situation. Or, where are you located? Oh, that far north, huh? Well, we were trying to find something closer to family. I thank you for your time.

The pricing was outrageous in some areas. I couldn’t believe $10k+/- per month for a one bedroom/one bath place!!! Whew! Way out of our tax bracket. I have yet another place for the kids to check out tomorrow. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed. It’s reasonably priced…has memory care and looks outstanding. Plus, it’s not all that far from the kids. All good points.

I sit here typing and thinking of all the places that we just knew would be our next home. Riiiight! Wrong! <great sighs of exasperation here> Notwithstanding, we have to actually LIVE in the new place before we can file for assistance from the VA. Speaking of which, someone sent me the wrong form to complete and when filled it out and sent it back in, they returned it to me, saying that pages 8-11 were missing. Well, they weren’t actually missing–I’d left them blank as the instructions at the top of the page said they were for veterans who were either homeless or close to homeless and Robert is neither one of those. The rep I spoke to at the VA gave me the number of the proper form and said she would e-mail it to me. Nope…never happened. I’ve checked my e-mail and spam folders several times today and then decided I’d try to find it myself since I had the number. Nope, nada. LOL Frustration is the name of the game and our dear government is excellent at it!

So, tomorrow is another day and it’ll be a full one. The photographer will take the house one room at a time, pull stuff out (and after the photographing put it back) so that the house will appear empty. They’ll stage the house with different furnishings to make it look spiffy! Looking forward to seeing it … I’ve been sorting, <still and some more> and am utterly amazed at the things we’ve kept. Unreal…

Well, it’s my bewitching hour and I know I have a busy day ahead of me, so will close this with love and blessings to all. Your presence in my life makes me smile, each and every day, no matter how bad the day is. I thank you for being here and reading my whines and my drivel. Be safe, take good care of yourself, and remember to tell those you love that you love them.

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Tuesday, December 27, 2022 — Robert has an appointment with his primary dr. today. He needs a referral for a new Urologist or Nephrologist for his remaining kidney. He had been seeing the same urologist since his left kidney was removed a number of years ago, but that doctor is no longer affiliated with the same insurance plan, so a replacement must be secured. So, today is the day–we’ll discuss Robert’s kidney situation with his primary and go from there. I’ve learned that a Nephrologist studies the diseases of the kidneys and a Urologist is a kidney surgeon.

Today feels like it’s going to be a very good day. I will strive to stay positive today. I need to find the sheets I printed out to put on the boxes we’re packing to take with. That said, there hopefully won’t be very much to take.

I need to be careful with my balance today. I was finishing up some laundry last night and as I bent down to pull things out of the dryer, I could feel myself leaning to the right. Suddenly, the body was headed south and as I grabbed the edge of the clothes dryer, I knew I was going down because instead of holding firm in place, the dryer continued to move towards me, rolling along as I went down. I visualized that I could very easily be crushed by the dryer so tried to avoid being caught underneath it. I managed that, but as I lay there in the middle of the floor, assessing where I was bleeding and how bad it was, I realized I’d escaped without any real damage other than a couple of bad places on the back of my right hand. Not to worry…no longer bleeding and no pain. All is good.

My Hospice Chaplain gave me a bit of advice that continues to run though my mind–I asked him where all of my sorrow was coming from and he said,”Sorrow is simply the absence of joy. Find your joy and your sorrow will go away.” There are times when my depression breaks through and I feel the overwhelming need to cry–great big sobs of sorrow and misery. But, I don’t allow myself to wallow in the sadness. There’s too much to be done. I look on it as a release valve. We all need to release pent-up emotions on occasion. It’s a healthy reaction to life.

Thank you for being here in my life. I am blessed to know you. Be sure to stay safe, keep well, and be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

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Thursday, December 22, 2022 — Last post (hopefully), but I have to share that the husband of one of my online paper crafting groups passed away last night. He had dementia and in the summer he collapsed and they took him to the ER where they ran tests and discovered numerous tumors in his stomach and then eventually found yet another large tumor in his groin.

It never ends…. I keep losing people. Robert says I need to stay off the Internet. I think I might have to do that, and quit reading the newspaper, watching the news on t.v., just wrap my poor abused mind with a blanket of nothingness until I can handle life again.

Take care of yourself and those you love… I love each and every one of you… I will be back, but don’t know exactly when… Until then, please know you won’t be far from my heart.

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Follow-up to post on 12/22/22 — For those who are interested, the following is my Letter to the Editor:

The Bakersfield Californian
3700 Pegasus Drive
Bakersfield, CA 93308
(661) 395-7500

Copyright © 2022 The Bakersfield Californian. All rights reserved

Dear Editor: I can’t just sit by without voicing my opinion about the politicians who lied. Such shamefaced lying and then taking protection from your lies by evoking the Fifth Amendment of the Constitution?? What do these actions say about you as a person? About an elected official that swore to uphold the Constitution and to represent the people who put you into office? No words can describe or completely cover the disgrace you’ve put upon the citizens of these United States of America. May God forgive you, and I pray that one day you wake up and realize what you’ve done and make reparations for your selfish and uncaring deeds. All for money and popularity. Criminals and cowards, each and every one of you.
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Thursday, December 22, 2022 — WARNING — Political rant follows. I wrote another letter to the Editor of the Bakersfield Californian this afternoon. Taken from today’s edition, Page A6, I repeat: “…Ahead of the report’s release, the committee on Wednesday evening released 34 transcripts from the 1,000 interviews it conducted over the last 18 months. Most of those released are of witnesses who invoked their Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination.”

And here we are, my husband and I, hanging onto our lives by a thread and they treat this country (OUR COUNTRY) like a rug that they can wipe their feet on any time it suits them. No shame, no embarrassment, no honesty, just criminal greed. It hurts me to my very soul. We do our best to be honest, caring and productive citizens. And when we see wrongs being done we try to do something to correct them. For the good of our family, friends and neighbors and the poor who have to stand on street corners begging for money, food or shelter.

We are ONE… ONE entity, though we are individuals, we are connected by an invisible thread that runs through each of our souls. We are all in this together, whether you believe it or not.

Be safe, take care, and think of your fellow man in your words and actions. We are all very blessed in this life and we should be grateful for each and every day, whether it’s filled with pain or pleasure. It’s our day, it’s our life and we have to use it and be grateful for it.

May you be blessed now and in the weeks and years to come. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

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Thursday, December 22, 2022 — I know it’s been absolute ages since I’ve written here. It feels like forever, but probably has been less than 2 weeks. I’ve been caught up looking for an assisted living place back in our old home town of San Diego. I knew that long term care was expensive, but whooeee. LOL It will be sooo good, though, to be taken care of for once. To not have to worry… priceless.

My health has continued to be on an even keel, gratefully, and I only have periodic situations where I’m short of breath. They’re short-lived, so that’s good.

I’m fairly sure I didn’t talk about the new battery power generator with solar panel back-up that was given to me by Southern California Edison. Just amazing. Now I have no worries in case of a power failure. My oxygen will continue to flow, my nebulizer will continue to calm my respiratory system and all will continue to be right with my world. You can’t put a price on it. I was laughing as I was telling a friend the other day that I had become addicted to breathing… from the first breath, I knew I liked it and always would. LOL He laughed with me…

I’m still sleeping on the couch with my quilt and my foam wedge. I do sleep better there than in our bed. Rest is so important that I really don’t feel bad having to sleep apart from Robert. I do miss his warmth, but I’m much more relaxed these days.

My wonderful niece was here for part of the weekend–she bought me a new Apple I-Pro 14 telephone and watch combination. I messed up getting it hooked up, but she got it all straightened out. Bless her heart. She’s so very good to me. It’s going to be heaven being closer to her and the rest of the family. I have missed them all.

I know it’ll take a bit of adjustment to the increase in noise levels, but a person can get used to anything if they put their mind to it, and I plan to do just that.

I’ve discovered that if I’m not ready to be released from Hospice, my hospice care can be transferred to a different company down in San Diego. This pleases me no end because Hospice care has definitely made a big difference in my health. May it continue to do so…

Not much else to report so will close this with blessings to all. Christmas is almost upon us–just one more week. I have a lot of work ahead of me, sorting through everything in the house — deciding what goes and what gets sold off. One thing at a time, one day at a time… I can do this. Do take care and stay safe. The COVID virus and its variants are still running around and making people deathly ill, plus the flu is working its way through the population. Winters are not always fun times for people. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them. May you and yours be blessed — always. T

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Monday, December 12, 2022 — It’s snowing right now … if you want to watch it in real time, go to Tehachapi Live Train Cam West Cable and check it out. Moderately heavy train traffic today, which is nice to see.

All sorts of things going on today. Got a call from SCE and they’ll be here tomorrow to install my solar powered back-up battery system so my medical equipment will always have ‘juice.’ I don’t know if it’ll be a generator with solar powered back-up battery, or exactly what it will be, but whatever it is, I’ll take it. So appreciative. We get more outages here than we ever did in the years we lived in San Diego. We may have been on a protected circuit there because I know there was a care facility on the next street over from us. At any rate, we do get outages here on a semi-regular basis so a generator and back-up battery system is a must.

Also got a call today from Patriot Angels, a Veteran’s support organization. I think they’re going to help fund our relocation to San Diego and into an assisted living place. I wasn’t aware that the V.A. had an assisted living assistance/funding option. I think that’s fantastic, and some time today I will be receiving a phone call from a benefits coordinator who will do an intake interview for us for funding. I am so very blessed.

And the highlight of the day is that it’s looking like I’m going to be able to get my bunny rabbit with Mage’s voice installed in it and get it shipped down to George. I was on the phone today with the Build a Bear people and have things kind of set up — as I was talking with the rep, I realized that Mage’s kids and grandkids could also be treated to hearing her say, “I love you, Goodbye!!” How wonderful is that??

I made another 4 loaves of banana bread and sent 3 of them along with the older son. He stopped by to check on some stuff and grab a hug from me. He’s keeping one loaf of bread for himself and his crew and giving two loaves to the AmTrak crew. I don’t know how he hooks up with them, but he apparently does on a semi-regular basis because he’s taken goodies to them before from me.

And, according to our older and younger sons, “It’s Time!!!” Here’s a video of snow on Donner Pass! The older son’s crew will be working somewhere around there for the next week, at least — they’re working on a huge bridge that needs barriers installed. I believe the bridge is the La Cuestra Bridge.

Be safe, take it slow & easy if you’re out and about — even if you’re not driving, be careful walking. Know that you are loved, and be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

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Thursday, December 1, 2022 — We’re on the last go-round of 2022. It’s been quite a year here at Cable House.We’ve had ups and downs but have persevered.

Tonight, I hit the end of my refrigerator rope and even though I’ve asked two different housekeepers to cleanout the refrigerator, it didn’t get done until I got fed up with the sticking drawers and began taking it all apart. Now, all of the pieces are out and clean and dry and I haven’t the foggiest notion of how to put them back where they belong. More than this, the energy I expended taking the thing apart has used up all my energy and so now I’m “Taking a break here, boss!” (ala Cool Hand Luke), and am trying to decide who to burden with my problem. For sure, Robert isn’t able to help. Yet another reason to move to an assisted living place!

And yes, that particular goal is back on the drawing board. More and more, I’m feeling like we need to be where we can be cared for and where we have a wider range of medical assistance/care. Notwithstanding being closer to family now that we’re in our ‘later’ years! (tongue in cheek here)

I haven’t announced this goal to very many people beyond the kids, but people who know us have to realize that we’re wading in some deep waters here and it’s getting difficult to hold our heads up. I need a break… and I don’t think a 5 minute break will do it. Before I become too incapacitated to do anyone any good, I need to get things in motion.

I don’t know what the real estate market is like right now — it appears to be coming back, even with interest rates higher than before; people are wanting change and to move to a new place. There’s a new subdivision going in here in Tehachapi–different from the ones that had been planned and laid out before. Their prices are comparable to what we’ll be asking for this home, but this home has more land AND is larger than the largest home that will be available. All good signs.

Well, the refrigerator awaits. It’s only 6:30 p.m. so not too late to call and ask a neighbor for a favor, but I still hesitate to intrude on other people’s lives. So, I will do a bit of Googling for my refrigerator and see if I can find instructions on how to put it back together again. Wish me luck~

Be safe, be well and know that you are loved. You are so important–we never realize the impact that we have on those around us. Trust me — each and every one of us is critical to the whole. May you be blessed and be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

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View From My Window

Monday, November 28, 2022 — A truly kick-back kind of day today. I am on a hot streak of feeling good — no shortness of breath, no oxygen, and no nebulizer treatments. I’ve been able to do what I want and it feels wonderful. I’m thinking that whatever event was going on with my heart has settled down and as long as I continue to be careful and take my meds, I’ll be o.k.

A search on FaceBook for Congestive Heart Failure support groups brought me the fact that people can, and do, live with congestive heart failure. In fact, they can live very long lives with it. I haven’t learned all of the ins and outs of dealing with the condition, but know that as long as there’s people out there living with it, I can too. It’s a matter of learning what to do to take care of yourself, to keep your heart pumping and your self out of the hospital!

I do have a couple of issues that have come up that I need to deal with, but one thing at a time and one day at a time and all will be well.

Be safe, be well — TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! I think I ignored ‘me’ for far too long and am now paying the price for it. Never too late to change our stripes or habits. We just have to decide what needs to be done and do it. I’m that pleased that my life is continuing on… May you all be blessed and I thank you for being a part of my life. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

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View From My Window

Friday, November 25, 2022 — At the end of yet another day. Just a bit tired tonight — emotional breaks take a lot out of you. I’m here to apologize for whining. Seriously — Change, it is a coming…

I do feel better this evening. I received a box of books from my friend in San Diego — Gloria Laube, whom I’ve written about in a previous post, is an avid reader and she likes the same type of books that I do. Murder mysteries, mostly, with a flare for recipes here and there. I saw all of the books and my heart jumped for joy–it’s not like I don’t have over 1,000 e-books on my Kindle PaperWhite, but I do love paperbacks. I can go through them a couple a week. Voracious reading… and I love it.

The kids have bailed on coming up for Thanksgiving — everyone is either sick or close to it, and we had a death in the extended family that put a damper on things. Robert was more than a bit put out that we didn’t have company come up, but I understand the whys of their reluctance to bring germs up to us. Robert doesn’t care about getting sick — he wants to see his kids — and sits there whining about how he doesn’t think the kids like coming up here. Riiiight! Nothing I can say will change his mind so I keep mum about it and realize it’s just that he’s lonely. Understood.

Persevere and take it all one day at a time. The hospice nurse was here to evaluate Robert and he failed again. LOL I’m going to quit asking them to evaluate him. He’s only confused in the late afternoons/evenings and I can handle that. That said, the nurse did say that eventually I wouldn’t be well enough to care for him and a decision would have to be made as to where he would be placed. I’ll have a plan laid out before that happens–trust me.

I worked with my niece to get a special Build A Bear item prepared for a friend. She’s got it put into the mail so it should arrive any day now. I’m so stoked that I’m able to make this special event happen.

Slowly, but surely, I’m getting a system put down for ordering groceries and having them delivered to the house. I save a bit of money by not cruising the aisles of the store, picking up this that or the other that’s not on my list. The groceries I order combined with my Mom’s Meals keeps us fed with good nutritious food and I don’t have to cook.

I’ve decided that I can’t do the New Year’s get together this year. It’s just not possible, and I’m not up to creating the invitations, and all of the favors that I would do each year. I am going to make our Christmas cards, however, and will get started on those this weekend. No idea what I’ll do, but I’m going to make a tea-bag folded medallion for each card. Should be nice.

Nothing more to note except I’m trying to stay well and keep my mood in check. The nurse called in another prescription for an anti-anxiety medication. One day at a time…

Be safe, be well, and please take good care of yourself and those you love. And be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

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View From My Window

Wednesday, November 23, 2022 — Van Morrison says it so well… “Momma told me there’d be days like this.” Most of today was spent without my oxygen, but it also included a melt-down of emotions, which wasn’t pleasant. I won’t go into details because it’s all behind me now, but suffice it to say there was more than one trigger involved.

Tomorrow is “T=Day” and we’ll just be here and let it slide right on by. The kids will be coming up this weekend and we’ll celebrate Thanksgiving then.

Tonight, it’s soup night and I made my own heart-healthy (hope) soup. Veggies and ramen noodles sans the seasoning packet. Added a can of Heart Healthy Chicken Vegetable soup with added onion, celery, fake salt and fresh ground pepper. Not bad at all.

Not a lot going on — had my twice weekly visit by the Hospice nurse and a follow-up call from the social worker. We’re back on track and doing o.k.

I want to say with every bit of caution that my health is improving, bit by bit, day by day. I still have problems, but I’m able to deal with them, and that’s a good thing.

Do take care–know that even when I’m not here, I’m thinking of you and holding you in my heart and mind. Blessings to you and yours this special holiday weekend. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

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View From My Window

Tuesday, November 15, 2022 — Life can be incredibly strange at times. For whatever reason, I’ve never pursued retrieving voice mail messages from my cell phone — until last night, when I was absent-mindedly going through areas on my phone and saw ‘VOICE MAIL”. I clicked on it and voila! there was the option/code that I needed to retrieve messages from my cell phone! This was what I was looking for when I had that melt-down episode with the Tracfone rep a week or so ago.

The system asked me for my PIN. I had no clue what my ‘PIN’ was, so just took a stab at it and it happened to be right. So began an unbelievable litany of voices from the past. The first message was from our dear friend, John Greenelsh, who had passed away on April 7th of this year. His message was regarding a home that was for sale there in his mobile home park, Mountain Aire View Estates. When given the option to delete or save the message, I saved it. The next message to come up was from my sweet friend, Mage Gunthorpe Bailey, who passed away on August 3rd of this year. She was laughing and thanking me for the kitchen towels I had ordered from a mutual online friend/blogger. She was full of laughter and told me she loved me before saying goodbye. I saved this message too.

I sat there with my phone in my hand, waiting for the next message to be played and wondering at the miracle of having two of my favorite people’s voices come back to me after they’d passed away. How utterly wonderful, and yet how utterly unbelievable to have such a thing happen.

Friends had told me that my mail box was full, or that they couldn’t leave me a message, but I had completely forgotten that there was even a message log in my cell phone. I never really used the phone other than looking up directions to go somewhere or to call people I wanted to speak with when I was away from the house. It just never occurred to me that I hadn’t actually accessed the messages feature of my cell phone. Now, I’m glad I didn’t.

One day at a time, one miracle at a time. Life is good. My life is spent in 2 hour increments now, but I’m here, and for now I’ll take what I can get. I am blessed.

Be safe, be well and take good care of yourself. There’s a rise in cases of COVID and its variants, as well as the old standby–the flu. My neighbors have both come down with COVID. The husband called the other night to offer me pasta and meatballs and I thanked him but let him know we’d just finished eating dinner. The next morning I learned he’d tested positive for COVID. Another bullet missed! LOL I’ve been told their infections aren’t that severe, but still, an infection like that would put either of us in the hospital for sure. Not where I want to be anymore, for sure.

Be sure to tell those you love that you love them. Love is the rock of our lives… it will always be with us, so give of it freely. May you be blessed as I am in so many ways.

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Monday, November 14, 2022 — Another week lays before me. I have my coaster gifts completed and now need to find a way to get them delivered. Shouldn’t be too difficult, I wouldn’t think

I’ve made more than 20 coasters, and as usual, have given some away before I finished making all of the ones I want to give as gifts. My support people come and I offer one to them as a way of saying thank you. I just may have to continue making them to have them on hand as thank you gifts. Not a bad idea. Of course, the UPS guy and the girls at the Post Offfice will always receive banana bread as a thank you.

I made banana bread day before yesterday and was completely out of eggs. When I called my friend Doris, who raises chickens, and asked if she had any eggs, she said no… I knew the chickens slowed down during the winter time because it was too cold to lay, but rather, she’d sold off all of her eggs, but she did loan me 3 so I could get my bread made. 🙂 And now I’m out of eggs again. She says she’ll get 4 ne day and 6 the next so she should have a dozen by the end of the week. They’re getting really pricey in the stores. $5/doz. whereas she only charges $3/doz. and they’re all large brown eggs. Nice!

Onwards and upwards I’m back working on Daisy’s quilt. The blocks are done — today I will add the sashing between the blocks, and if I have time will add the first border strip to create a frame for the quilt.

I’ll be using white 2″ strips between the blocks and then surround the whole thing with a 1″ border of Kelly Green before going back to white and coral–don’t know what I’ll use or if I’ll create a design of some type, but it’ll be nice once it’s finished. I sure hope she likes it.

As for quilts, the quilt I received from the Tehachapi Mountain Quilter’s Guild is oooo warm and cozy, I fall right to sleep at night and get the best sleep under it. Just wonderful…

Such a nice gift. I will treasure it always.

I’ve been thinking about mincemeat here lately–most likely because it’s Fall and Thanksgiving is coming up fast and furious. Robert’s mother always made prune pies and mincemeat pies. One time she made mincemeat cookies and I fell in love. I’m still out of eggs, so the mincemeat cookies will have to wait, but I’ve been thinking of trying to create those flat, shortbread covered raisin bars that Mother’s Cookies carry, but will use mincemeat for a filling instead. The shortbread covering is thin and just barely covers the filling,but they’re very tasty–light, with just a hint of spices. You don’t see them in the stores as much anymore, which is why I want to try making them.

I’ve also thought about ordering a turkey breast roast dinner from Albertson’s. T’would be very nice to have for Thanksgiving. Oh, and the items for Heavenly Hash! Gads… there I go, LOL Making a dinner to fee 25 when there’s only the two of us. Ah well.

The neighbors both have COVID so we’ll stay clear of them until we see the all clear sign again. They’re good people and I hate to have to shun them, but wer’e not well enough to risk exposure right now.

Do take care and I shall do the same. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them. It’s muy importante!

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View From My Window

Saturday, November 12, 2022 — Another day started quite well–earlier, but still quite well. Slept very good last night, for all of the 2.5 hrs. LOL But I think I have a routine now and that’s definitely a good thing. Oven alarm goes off and that’s my sign to get up and start my day. I sit up on the edge of the couch, get my bearings, and stand. So far, so good. I slowly but purposely make my way to the bathroom, finish there and head to the office for the first nebulizer treatment of the day. Only very slight wheezing as I approach my desk. I get everything set for my breathing treatment, grab my oxygen meter and off we go. Still using the nebulizer, I reach for the blood pressure cuff and give it a bit of exercise this morning. All systems are still GO and I’m beginning to come around awake at last.

I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to have a system that allows me to be vertical, doing and being in an excellent mood. If this is what it takes, I’ll take it and willingly. No insomnia, but short, deep sleep periods. A whole new ballgame, as it were.

I made banana bread last night, brownies this morning, and cobbled up some hand held sausage and cheese turnovers. Yeah… LOL feels good to be back to some semblance of normal. 🙂

So here’s the first photo of the morning–Sausage pastries:

Pillsbury Grands Country Biscuits pressed flat onto parchment paper. Brush with yellow mustard. Cook one package of 10 Brown & Serve sausage links and drain on paper towel. Place 1/2 slice of Mozzarella cheese on top of each cheese covered biscuit. Place sausage in center, bringing up sides to pinch edges together like making a fried pie. Seal well to prevent the cheese from leaking too much. Take a fork and poke holes across the top of each packet to allow steam to escape. Melt 2 tbsp. margarine or butter and brush it over tops of all the packets. Bake at 375 d. for 15-18 min. (watch them!) When they’re brown and appear done, pull them out and set aside to cool for a bit.

I then mixed together a package of chocolate fudge brownies that I was going to make for Robert yesterday when I decided I’d do them later and made banana bread instead. I think I got my baking moxie back!! LOL

Life can be incredibly hard at times, but if you work at it, you can get beyond any problem you’re handed in this life–even life threatening ones. I realize my time here is short, but I’m working it for all I’m worth. I feel that every day I find behind me means I’m here one more day. It’s all we ever have to worry about, is just this one day. Please know you are never alone and make your day the best day ever.

I love you all. Be blessed.

Oh, and before I forget–here’s the first train photo of the day! You thought I wasn’t going to remember, didn’t you? LOL

One going up, one coming down (North and South, you know–the one going up is heading North and the one coming down is heading South), even though the eye tells you that track is running East and West, trust me — they’ll wind up going North and South! They made it that way to keep us on our toes!

I even got the birdfeeder up on the bannister railing and filled it with food for the little guys. Life is such a miracle at times.

Be sure to take care of yourself–everyone depends on you! And know you are never alone in life. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

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View From My Window

Friday, November 11, 2022 — Happy Veteran’s Day! Celebrating those who serve us and keep us free should be celebrated every day of the year because they protect us every day of the year. My sincere blessings to those who continue to serve and to those who gave the highest price for our freedom. May you be blessed always.

Another thing to celebrate today is finding another insight to how to maintain my breathing on an even keel. My mornings are extremely rough because I go to bed at night and sleep for 4 hrs and when I wake, I’m short of breath. So last night, as usual, I did my nebulizer treatment just before heading to bed. Then, I did something different — I set the oven timer for 2.5 hrs. ahead and went to the couch to sleep. When the timer went off, I was able to get up, go to the bathroom and THEN go into the office to do my nebulizer treatment. I was only wheezing slightly when I got to the office, which is a MAJOR change from yesterday. Grateful is my mantra for the day. One thing at a time, one day at a time. I can do this.

Today’s Daily Quote from Abraham-Hicks really resonates with my situation this morning:

“When you deliberately seek positive aspects of whatever you are giving your attention to, you, in a sense, tune your vibrational tuner to more positive aspects of everything. And, of course, you could tune yourself negatively as well. But as you are deliberately looking for positive aspects in yourself or in others, you will find more of those things: “The better it gets, the better it gets,” for you get more and more of what you are thinking about —whether you want it or not.

Excerpted from Money and the Law of Attraction on 8/31/08

Our Love
Esther (Abraham and Jerry)

Early morning — 6:40 a.m. Looks cold out but the sun is starting to show over the hills to the east. Just a tad of hoarfrost on the ground. Snow is all gone off the top of the peaks across the way. Breathing is good. It’s going to be an excellent day today. May you all be blessed. Grateful to you for being a part of my life. Be sure to take care of yourself and to tell those you love that you love them.

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View From My Window

Thursday, November 10, 2022 — Another day; another morning of getting my breathing going again. Mornings are the only rough time of day for me. But there’s always a Hospice nurse to talk to, to encourage me and help keep me calm while the medications do their thing. I don’t have to call every morning, but it’s reassuring to know they’re there.

Here’s the photo from my window for today. Hoar frost all over everything–snow on the mountains across the way has all melted, and the only sign we had any snow at all is the slight greening of the hills.

When the sun gets high enough, all of the white will turn to creamy yellow. I keep looking in the valley for signs of those trees that were planted a couple of years ago. Haven’t seen anything yet. have to think that none of them made it–they didn’t have much of a chance of growing since we’re in such a bad drought. Wish they would try again…

Blessings to all. I’m going to get off here and see if I can’t get a bit more sewing done. Feeling pretty good right now–at least my breathing is much improved. Take care and have a wonderful day–tomorrow is TGIF. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them. We are each connected to one another, whether you believe it or not.

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View From My Window

Wednesday, November 9, 2022 — This is the view from my window this morning. Isn’t it gorgeous?

Had to share…

Will hopefully be a good day today–housekeeper is here now and Hospice nurse will be here shortly. Able to breathe right now, so much improved from 20 min. ago when breathing was iffy.

This is just a short post to say I’m thinking of all of you and wish you a blessed day today. Life is STILL GOOD!


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