View From My Window

Sunday, January 16, 2022 — Yesterday was quite a day. I drove us to Bakersfield to pick up two quilt kits to be made up and turned back in to an organization called “Quilts for Kids“. When I left home, I looked at the gas gauge and decided I had just enough gas to get to the church where I was due to pick up the quilt kits. But I didn’t realize I would get lost before I got there. So here we are, in Bakersfield, and I’m lost and my phone is at home. BUT, I had charged Robert’s phone and he had it on him, so I called my niece and she guided me to the address! Whew! And then we actually made it to CostCo and I got in line to buy gas. I kept visualizing the car running out of gas while sitting in line to buy gas! Nope. We made it.

Then on to do a bit of shopping. I had several things I wanted to get, but Robert was not having a good day, physically. I kept having to look back to make sure he was behind me. After picking up a few of the things I needed, I decided we were done and headed for the checkout. As I was leaving the parking lot, I said I thought we should just go to the Carl’s Jr. there at the entrance and get a hamburger and drink. We wound up setting down inside. I got two tacos and a medium drink and Robert had a Chicken sandwich, fries and a medium drink. He was only able to eat half of his sandwich and laid the remainder on the napkin by my cup. I told him I would finish it and he commented, “I figured you would.” I said, “That wasn’t kind.” He replied, “You eat too much.” Red flag — someone’s politeness filter has gone missing. Later that evening I announced that I was going to have a cup of coffee and proceeded to fix one. He commented, “Yeah, I’ll fix myself one later.” I went into the office with my cup of coffee and the next thing I heard was “Am I going to get a cup of coffee or what?” There’s that filter again. I jumped up and went to fix him a cup while announcing that I was on my way. When I took it to him, I told him that he’d said he would fix himself a cup later. He just looked at me like he hadn’t said that.

I got home and remembered the other items I wanted to buy, but figured I’d just go to the local grocery store and buy there. In the evening, he was very quiet and I asked him if something was bothering him and he said he was totally spaced out at “Home Depot” — he used Home Depot as the store name a couple of times last evening when we were talking about CostCo. In the evenings he’s very subdued and his speech is really slurred and quiet. I have to get right next to him to begin to understand what he’s saying.

Night before last he had a horrible time with understanding the clock and what time it was. We wound up having a not so pleasant discussion. I knew I shouldn’t be arguing with him about it. It didn’t do any good. But I couldn’t see how he was arriving at what he thought the numbers on the clock represented. Later on, he said he didn’t want to have disagreements because they didn’t do any good. I agreed. There’s that time element again.

Patience is a virtue and you need more than your share at times when dealing with dementia. Be safe, be well, and tell those you love that you love them. Whatever the problems are that you’re dealing with in life, know that they are only temporary and you can get through them. Persevere…

About tehachap

Happily married and retired, my hobbies are quilting, reading and anything to do with trains (watching, photographing and running them in our G scale garden railroad). My husband and I have truly enjoyed our retirement, and have fulfilled one of our primary goals in life and that is to own a home overlooking train tracks so we can watch trains 24/7. We are sincerely blessed in this life.
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13 Responses to View From My Window

  1. cacjjc says:

    It’s just all so very hard. I remember going through this as well. It’s so hard not to personalize it. His brain is simply filling in the blanks with information that obviously is not accurate. He’s doing the best he can, and YOU are doing the best you can. But it is still oh, so very, very hard. The “real” Robert never would have been so unkind. But the dementia has effected his filter. and what you are hearing and seeing is Robert’s brain that has been damaged by dementia.

    It sounds like you’ve got some good supports in place, and you will need these. As I look back, I often wonder how I managed. But it was one foot in front of the other, day by day, knowing that the REAL John never would have behaved in this way. Nevertheless, you too, need support from family and friends during this difficult period of life.

    Carole

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ellen Abbott says:

    You are so patient with him.

    Like

  3. tehachap says:

    I do try to be patient. A large part of stress release is to share it here. I thank you for being here.

    Like

  4. Joanne Noragon says:

    I am glad you can share it here, and do. We care, and care we cannot do much more than that. Don’t get too raggedy thin, OK? Where do you turn for some real help?

    Liked by 1 person

    • tehachap says:

      I don’t really have anyone at this point in time. That’s one of the reasons I want to get moved over to the mobile home park. We have several friends there and we can look out for one another. Sad, but many of our Depot friends are in very poor health right now. The caregiver support group I belong to hasn’t met in these past 2 years other than by conference call, and that has gone by the wayside because they keep losing coordinators. :/ I have a number of dementia blogs that I follow, but only a few friends (who don’t live nearby) who have gone through caregiving of a loved one with dementia. They follow my blog (as do our niece and our younger son) so I’m not without resources for emotional support. And, so far, so good with my heart. I’m going to have to address that some time this year. LOL But as long as I continue to feel good and am able to do what I want, when I want, I’ll shy away from having a defibrillator installed, primarily because I have no one to care for Robert if I’m hospitalized or have any complications that would prevent me from being able to care for him. Not worth it in my estimation.

      Like

  5. Joanne Noragon says:

    I know. I cared for my mother until the end. It was not dementia, just another passing.
    When I was in the rehab facility my roommate was 95, and I watched her decline day by day. Her daughter was there and her sister and niece and the three of them were talking. I was watching Mary and I saw her slip away. Just leave us, like Mom and a friend I sat with. You can’t say “Your mom just died”, so I rang the bell and when the man came in and looked at me questioning, I quietly pointed to Mary, and so it was handled.

    Like

    • tehachap says:

      Oh goodness… they were there with her, but not… sad, sad, sad. When I lived in San Diego, I volunteered for San Diego Hospice. One day I found that a neighbor lady who lived across the street from us had died and was not discovered for two days. She was a widow and I barely knew her, but I felt bad that she died all alone… I have always felt a bit guilty about that — that I didn’t step up to the plate with my own neighbor. :/ But you can’t push yourself on others. No easy answer.

      Like

  6. 67andgood says:

    I hope you can find someone to sit with Robert when you need to get out for errands. It sounds like not more than an hour or so is as much as he can handle right now. Hope you hear more about the mobile home park soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • tehachap says:

      I’ve begun shopping for groceries online and then picking them up the following day. Less time away from home, and less being sidelined with the temptation of spontaneous padding of the shopping cart!!! And, yes, so looking forward to being able to check out the house. No idea what we’ll do if we don’t like it…

      Like

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